


Lego House

by LLReid



Category: Queen of Thieves (Voltage Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Jealous Vivienne, The Gilded Poppy, barcelona
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:53:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21767803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LLReid/pseuds/LLReid
Summary: || “You’re enough, you’re more than enough.” ||Vivienne is absolutely not okay with Katerina seducing Inez (surprise, surprise). So here she is, vulnerable and anxious and actually leaning on her girlfriend for emotional support.
Relationships: Vivienne Tang/Katerina Leyva, Vivienne Tang/Main Character
Kudos: 87





	Lego House

**Author's Note:**

> Fic inspired by Julia Sheer’s cover of ‘Lego House’ ❤️

Vivienne rarely cried. Dean had raised her to believe that tears were the ultimate show of weakness and in his presence tears had never been okay. Tears had seen her favourite porcelain dolls taken away when she was a child and her iPod when she was a younger teenager still living in her father’s shadow. For so long that lesson had stuck. For so long tears had been saved for her pillow and her pillow alone.

Even after years of living and working alongside the Poppy she was damn sure they had never seen or heard her cry. Yet, her precious Katerina acting as the leading seductress on their latest Barcelona heist had broken her resolve and she had left the common room very clearly on the verge of tears after the young artist had returned from her meeting with Inez. She wanted to scream and cry and break things to vent out her frustrations and her absolute mortification at appearing so weak, yet she couldn’t muster the strength to do much more than stare blankly at the bedroom walls.

She was not the woman who broke into pieces under the blows of her insecurity or her deep rooted abandonment issues and other people’s absence, who’d go mad, who’d feel like she was dying if she wasn’t the centre of someone else’s attention. It felt like only a few fragments of herself had splintered off, the rest she was well. She was whole, whole she would always remain. To those who hurt her or who she thought were about to hurt her, she’d always react by striking harder than they ever could. She was the queen of spades, she was a wasp that stung, she was a dark serpent with a poisonous bite. For so long she had been the invulnerable animal who passed through fire and was not burned by it.

It was Barcelona, she decided. It was a terrible place for her. It always had been and it always would be. For so long she had attempted at being completely independent from every other person in the world because of how she’d been hurt there, but she knew that no one can be independent of other people completely. Katerina had shown her that and she had thought, why not give up the attempt? She’d thought, go running in the other direction, depend on people for everything, allow them to depend on you, why not?

Yet the very idea of the love of her life conning another woman for their job had driven her to the brink of insanity. She knew that Katya was incapable of hurting her the way that Isadora had, but the intensity of her love for the American had made it impossible for her to act rational. She’d not only snapped at the other poppies, she’d snapped at Katerina in front of everyone for doing her job. She hadn’t meant to, really, she hadn’t...but the circle of yet another empty day whilst her girlfriend was off getting closer to their mark had been brutal and that night it had tightened around her neck like a noose.

“Vivienne?,” Katerina said, quietly, as she slipped into their bedroom. She looked both hurt and broken. As if her spirit had received one too many mortal blows. “I can...um...Zoe offered me her couch, if you need your space.”

Reluctantly, Vivienne cast a glance over her shoulder. Katerina was hovering uncomfortably by the doorway, as if she was expecting to be kicked out...that in itself only made the tears streaming down Vivienne’s ashen face come faster. She was so beautiful, even in that very moment. Beautiful in every way that a person could be beautiful. Beauty was rarely ever soft or consolatory, though. Quite the contrary. Genuine beauty like Katerina’s was always quite alarming.

She knew that everything in the world was always in precarious balance, pure risk, and those who didn’t agree to take the risk wasted away in a corner, without ever getting to know life — so she knew that she had been the one who’d been out of line. Katerina hadn’t done anything. She’d been the one who’d snapped, who’d felt jealous when deep down she knew she had no reason to. It should have been her hovering so close to the doorway, not Katerina. It just proved something that she had always known to be true, that the ability to hurt someone is usually in direct proportion to how much that person cares about you.

“I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me,” she whimpered, whilst nearly hysterically sobbing. In life there were people who leave and people who knew how to be left, and despite having being left before Vivienne hadn’t gotten any better at coping with her fear of being abandoned. It crept into everything she did. She would always be afraid: afraid of saying the wrong thing, of using an overly exaggerated tone, of dressing unsuitably, of revealing petty feelings, of not having interesting thoughts, of pushing away the woman who’d given her life meaning and she loved with her entire heart and soul. “I don't know why I— I don’t ever do this, I don’t get this involved with people. But I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you. It started out as chemistry, pure sexual attraction. I didn’t even know what to call it at first. But it's all different now. It's bigger and I can't control it and I can't not be with you. I’m so sorry.”

“Vivienne, I—“

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, again, as a sob wracked through her entire body. She was struck by the thought that she’d never felt entirely worthy of anything. That was the reason she was always trying to control everything in the world and those she cared for. Dean had always said it was like she was trying to earn her way into heaven. Barring that, she was trying to earn her way into never ending happiness.

Katerina padded across the room and stopped in front of her. “What for?”

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Done what?”

She heard the caution in her own voice as the words left her mouth. “I was too…you know.”

“I don’t know. You got upset and you left the living room before you could finish what you were saying,” Katerina said. “Too, what?”

“Too much. Just...just too much.”

“Vivienne.” Her voice was so gentle and far calmer than she’d expected it to be as she gingerly sat down on the couch beside her and took her hand in hers. “Sweetheart, please look at me.”

She sniffled and reluctantly turned her head towards her without wiping her tears away. There was no point, as more kept coming. She was scared. Terrified, even. Absolutely positive that she’d finally pushed Katerina away when all she wanted was to have her as close as possible. Maybe, in the face of abandonment, we are all the same; maybe not even a very orderly mind can endure the soul destroying fear of not being loved enough, she thought.

When Katerina caressed her soaking wet cheek the tears only fell faster, she physically couldn’t stop them. There was no anger in her eyes, no hatred...there was only the same adoration that had always been there. Like her, Katerina had something that was eating her inside, just like Vivienne, and it was a gift and a suffering; they weren’t content, they never gave in, they feared what was happening around them. Yet unlike Vivienne, Katerina actually knew how to express her emotions in a healthy way...and that was both of their saving graces.

“Are you happy here?,” Katerina asked. “In Barcelona, I mean.”

She considered it for a moment. "Not particularly," she said. "But you're not very happy where you are, either.”

“I belong where you belong, I just don’t like seeing you in pain. That’s what this is, isn’t it? You’re hurting more than you expected that you would because of what happened to you here before and because I’m the one who has to get close to Inez, and you took it out on everyone. On me.”

She nodded, subtly, and hung her head. “It is easy to see things in retrospect. But for a long time I was ignorant of everything but my own happiness, and I don’t know what else to say except that life itself seemed very magical in those days: a web of symbol, coincidence, premonition, omen. Then you came along and you— within days of knowing you I’d fallen in love with you...but my love for you didn’t make me any less of a deeply damaged and insecure human being. My issues are still there and it wasn’t fair of me to get upset with you for doing your part of the job. I told you in Venice that when I think of anyone else getting close to you I see red...and it...it physically hurts.”

“Viv—“

“I’m well aware I’m being jealous and irrational and stupid but I can’t stop. Despite how much I love you, you are not my property and I am not your keeper. If our relationship is going to work I have to get better at relinquishing my need to always be in control, to always have you within arms reach.” She nuzzled her cheek against her hand. “It’s my own issue that I have to work through.”

“Vi—“

“I love you so much, Katya. I really love you...I’m just not the best at showing it and I’m so sorry. Forgive me for all the things I said, for acting so—“

“I’m in love with you, Vivienne,” Katerina interjected, silencing her anxious babbling with a gentle finger to her lips. “I’ve been in love with you since Paris, I just haven’t had the courage to tell you because I was scared that I’d push you away if I admitted just how much you mean to me. I still don't know why you picked me in New York, but you did and it changed my life and I'm not letting go of you. I see now that I should have told you sooner, just showing you how deeply I cared wasn’t enough...you need to hear it.”

At that, Vivienne’s heart suddenly stopped aching and her jaw dropped. It was like she was seeing the sun for the very first time after a long and bitterly cold winter. Wanting struck her like lightning, burning hot and bright. Her breath caught in her throat as the need grew. Katerina fit her life and her broken heart perfectly...and then there was the kiss. Her mouth was everything she’d always hoped for. Hot and sweet and willing. It was salty and frantic but she felt like she was flying. She gave in continuously, with painful pleasure, to waves of happiness that were unlikely anything she’d ever felt before.

“You don’t ever have to worry that anyone will take your place or take me away from you, alright? I know you and you’re...you’re the most extraordinary person that I’ve ever met,” Katerina whispered against her kiss-swollen lips. “You’re enough. You’re more than enough, you always have been...and you always will be.”

“I...I am?”

“You are, and this is one of those times you just have to accept how things are. You can make it easy on yourself, or you can make it hard. The choice is yours entirely.” Katerina pecked her lips again and then leaned back just enough to be able to look in her eyes. “But I need you to know that it is unbelievable just how enough you are.”

“Even when I’m being irrational and letting you see how emotionally broken I am?”

“I like that you're emotionally broken," Katerina huffed, with a teasing little smirk twitching at the corners of her lips. "It keeps the playing field level, because otherwise I would always be punching way above my weight."

"I take that back, I'm not broken. I'm merely quirky."

"Is that what we're calling it? Whatever makes you feel better.”

Both of them chuckled and she pressed a kiss on the bridge of her nose.

“I’ll be entirely honest with you, I just I didn't ever want to hurt you with my jealousy. I didn’t even know I was capable of feeling like this!," she blurted. "I never wanted to be someone you would regret. I'm not afraid for me. I'm afraid for you.”

“I could never regret you. Us. Don’t you ever doubt that.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

A soft laugh escaped from the back of Vivienne’s throat and more tears streamed down her face, but for an entirely different reason than they had been only moments prior. She’d been not-so-subtly telling Katerina how much she loved her for weeks and had begun to doubt that she returned her feelings at all, so to finally hear her say it out loud was...was the best thing she had ever heard. For so long she’d thought herself incapable of loving so deeply, but through Katerina coming into her life she had learned to never ignore the feelings that don't seem to make much sense.

“I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before. The love part or the part about me being enough.”

“People are idiots.”

She smiled and nuzzled her face against Katerina’s. “I love you so much, my darling. I tried not to for so long...but I am absolutely mad for you...and I’m still so sorry for acting the way that I did.”

“Welcome to the real world, Vivienne. Shit happens. You don't always get to stop it by being in love or telling the truth or turning counter clockwise three times while facing the sun and clucking like a chicken. It's a crapshoot and sometimes you lose, but it’s okay.” Katerina admonished her with a soft click of her tongue and wiped the last few tears from her face. “It's okay to screw up. It's what we do afterwards that defines us.”

She leaned toward her and cupped her face between her hands. "You are so beautiful that sometimes it hurts just to look at you.”

“You think so?”

“I know so, my love,” she corrected her with the biggest smile on her face. “Your eyes are a thousand shades of brown and gold. Your freckles are like the girl-next-door fantasy brought to life. Your mouth is sexy and soft and when you smile...the world somehow seems like it’s a better place.”

“Vivi.”

“Swear again you'll never change anything. Swear it.”

“I swear it. I’ll always be yours, Vivienne. I'm a forever kind of girl," she murmured, right before she kissed her. "That's how long I want with you.”

Love, she had realised, it was about continually risking everything. Day in and day out. It was about putting your heart on the line, even when you don't know what's going to happen, even when you can’t necessarily completely control every single thing that might happen. It was risking having the person you love rip it out and stomp all over it in public, but trusting that they wouldn’t. Trusting that they would be there to catch you if you fell. Because the reward was worth the risk.

Life wasn't meant to be easy. It was meant to be lived, and for the first time in her life Vivienne felt like she was actually living instead of just going with the motions. She felt like, with Katerina, she was home.


End file.
